'kak, c nanak jatuh dari kereta kereta dia..'
upon reading the sms from my cousin, who's looking after my kids at home, i almost fainted..i rushed outside of the class calling home with pale, cold, trembling hands..

'is she alright..? how did she fell..? is she hurt..?'
even as my cousin assured me that my baby seemed to be alright, that her bruises aren't that bad..i was still very much afraid and could not calm my fear..

the 15 minutes that passed before the class ended were the longest i've ever felt..i couldn't look at my pupils..it was so hard not to break down then and there, and it took me all my strength not to..i couldn't, mustn't cry- not in front of my pupils..

we were supposed to be rehearsing for the Teacher's day celebration ( our school once again took the responsibility to present a choir) that afternoon, but i simply didn't have the heart to sing..all i wanted to do was go home and hug my baby..

i went to the office to tell my boss (our school headmistress) that i'm going home and couldn't rehearse with them, she wasn't there and as it turned out she had already went to the staff room for the rehearsal, thankfully the senior assistant was there- and as i spoke, my tears broke..

i wasn't aware of how much energy i'd been using trying to be calm for the past 15 minutes- not until i spoke about the incident, - i just didn't have the strength to stop my tears then..even speaking was almost impossible..the senior assistant went to my side and calmed me, asking if i have a ride home, and i nodded, my husband had arrived to pick me up (usually i would walk home, because it's only 10 minutes walk)..upon telling her, i rushed to the car.......i was crying right up until i came into the house..

when i saw my baby, and took her into my arms- only then did some of the fear eased off..

'she's alright...only a few bumps and bruises..'my husband said.

but for me- even those 'little' bumps and bruises were very very big deals..even a mosquito bite on my babies aren't allowed, let alone bruises and bumps...unacceptable...if i could take the bruises and bumps away- i would..it pained me to see them on anyone of my babies..

and i wasn't really calm- not until the bumps and bruises started to fade, today..i still can't breath easy though..not until all the bumps and bruises are really gone....and even after the bumps and bruises are long gone- i would still feel the pain- my experiences with two of my older children taught me this...long after my children lost the bumps and bruises- i would still feel the pain every time i think about when they fell or hurt themselves..they might have forgotten about those incidents, they might not remember- but i would..i would remember all the times that they cried- when they fell down the stairs, when they slipped into the drain, when they tripped over the furniture, when ran and bumped into each other- or when they fell off their baby walker..i would recall those times and the pain would still be the same..

no- not all scars could be healed by time..not when you're a mother...when our children got hurt, we'd feel twice the pain, and the scars will be with us, all our lives...

nonetheless- i would not trade my children for anything..would not trade my place with anything..would not want to live my life any other way..

i would give up my own life for my children..i love them -unconditionally, with all my heart..

i only hope that my children could tone it down a bit(sigh)- so that i wouldn't be carrying too many scars in my heart..but- as long as they're alright..as long as they're okay...that's all that matters....