now lets talk about crushes....hehehehe
my first crush- a character named 'vinnie' in an australian drama series back in the early 90's..a punk, gang leader who fell for a simple girl..huhuhu...next, i had a huge crush on the character of the masked rider black (ksatria baja hitam)who was a hero saving the earth from the 'gorgom'..then i met, keanu reeves in bill and ted's excellent adventure...and i was hooked, ever since..usually i'd fall for heroes in movies, like leslie cheung, but none to the extent of my feelings for keanu...
i'll let you guys know just how much i am into keanu soon...you'll be amazed...LOL...
back to the topic..hmm....but then that was just about it...i had crushes- lots of them- all to guys 'out of my league'..hahahah!
actually, i think girls in my era were late bloomers..not only in terms of 'physical' but also emotions as well..well- at least that was the case with me..i had eyes for good looking guys but only when they're on the silver screen..when in real life- well, i would still went skinny dipping without shame(with my friends- guys and girls)..heheheh...
to be honest, there were incidents of 'writing mock love letters', having guys from the school nearby as our imaginary boyfriends- but honestly, for me- there weren't anything to it..no feelings involved...just things i did for fun, to fill in my spare times..hahahah!but then- who could hold a candle next to keanu..?none..thus, my fate was sealed..
so i didn't have real life crushes...not until much later....

my dad is the best...i am his first born- in fact his only child for 18 years before my sister (of different mother) was born..
i grew up having my dad cater to my every needs- he would read me bedtime stories over and over again-it didn't matter how many times i ask or how many times he had to repeat the same story - sometimes,he'd read it until i fell asleep..he never got mad at me- no matter how bad i behave..a complete contrast(like day and night) to my mother.
i remembered, growing up asking my father for everything i wanted and getting it..i might not get it as fast as i wanted but my father would buy the things i wanted sooner or later..the most expensive i ever asked of him- a watch priced at RM120 (it was a huge amount of money back then in 1990's)- my prize for passing the UPSR examination..i didn't excel in it though- i got 4 straight B's..still, my father bought it for me half year through form 1 (after painstalkingly saving for it- i realized now)..he was only a labourer..but he tried to give me everything to make me happy...that is why i say- my daddy is the best..

born on the morning after Christmas Day 1978...........i was a spoiled brat- being the only child (my mother had other children with her previous husband, but all were living separately with their own family)- my dad spoiled me rotten..anything i wanted, i got-at least my father tried his best to provide it for me...we were not rich...my father worked at a workshop, my mother a resourceful housewife..we never bought vegetables or fish from the market because she grew vegetables in our backyard and reared fish in two ponds..we even had some savings because the vegetables and fish grew so well that we could actually sell some to the other villagers..my mother was a bit strict...a bit..? that's a little soft- she's a woman of the 60's era, and anything she said was an order...cross her and you're a dead meat..and i knew this more than anything..she never spared me- even if i was her youngest child.. .my mother was 10 years older than my dad...it's no wonder that she's the queen of the house..no offense daddy, but she was.....
i lost her when i was just about to turn 11..she passed away from erupted blood vessel, in november 1989...i vaguely remembered my father shouting as he saw my mother collapsed in the middle of the paddy field(it was paddy planting season)..the two days that passed, when her body was taken back to the house, when they took her to the cemetary, when they laid her to rest- went pass as if in a blur..yet, i could still remember everything though..my mother...the one person i feared the most...maybe even now...even after 21 years...i guess she did loved me- in her own way..and i guess, all i am today, what i am today, where i am today, were all, thanks to her...perhaps everything happened for a purpose..and perhaps- even as i feared her, i did loved her too...that's why i still remember her...after all this time..young as i was when i lost her, fearful as i was of her, i had never forgotten about her..and i don't think i ever will....