music really heals the soul..as does writing..and i think a certain friend encouraged me to write again some time ago...kumau oo. kumapta mida..that- in korean(and i hope i am right) means, thank you...

i got caught up in the hectic life of doing everything 'last minute' and it takes some months or so to finish up all the postponed work..LOL...well..i signed up to be a teacher to teach- one one with my pupils and i thought that's all there is to it..little did i know that i would be doing much much more than teaching..paperworks, reports, programmes to be organised, files to be updated..wou..i think i spent more time with the typing work than making materials for my teaching..

and i wonder why? how does this came about..? since when did the teaching profession change gear- instead of focusing on the children we're focusing on programmes..but then..what do i know..? i am only a teacher..who still dreams of being a real teacher...who am in to say that the system is imbalance..who am i to criticize..? who am i to argue..

thus came the only option- inhale some music and exhale my thoughts out (a few years back- it's on paper, nowadays- whalla- the magic of the internet)...

lucky for me- AI came back just in time..i thought that it had lost it's magic but maybe the magic is back this year...??

and i hope i'll find time to write from time to time...

this year- my resolution is- to build a house..(where did that came from..?wasn't i talking about music and writing and being a 21st century teacher..???)

well..off to hear some music...ciao!! c y'all soon...god bless!

don't hate me first...

adam lambert ruined AI(american idol-in case you don't know) for me...why? i had been a fan of the show ever since AI 1 when a certain miss kelly clarkson emerged as the winner..then i had been watching it religiously- i mean, really religiously, every single episode of every single season..
i watched ruben won(though that year i didn;t hv a favourite), i watched fantasia's breathtaking performance in 'summertime', then i wtched it when, the- now princess of country music, carrie underwood won(though i was rooting for bo bice),
then came season 4, where taylor hicks won despite of simon's apprehension- got nothing against him, but i was and still is a fan of elliot yamin- my son was named after him..
and then season 5 where jordin sparks won-again i don't have a fav this season. then season 6 winner-david cook. i didn't hv a fav contestant but i did have a fav performance- david archuletta's rendition of 'imagine'..
then season 7 arrived..admittedly at first i was smitten with jamar rogers, he didn't even qualify to hollywood but i did sign up at the idol site for the 'bring jamar back' petition. i didn't produce any desirable result however..then as i watched AI that fateful year- i began to get transfixed on this one guy- who at first, i thought was really really annoying- cos he screamed a lot..but he got a hell of 'the right' looks, with the hair and the make-up and the clothing-he got style..
then he performed 'some kind of wonderful'- and i was caught-hook, line and sinker..
adam lambert ruined AI for me because i thought that he was so good- that no one could ever tops what he had done on idol- ever..at least this is the case for me..
this year i don't really watch idol- though occasionally i tuned in to see crystal and lee, and for me- who'd always been looking forward to AI, who had always had a love affair with the show, not to be SUPER EXCITED when was really not good.. but really- WHO COULD EVER SANG BETTER THAN ADAM AND PERFORMED BETTER THAN ADAM- who delivered stunning performance effortlessly week after week after week..yes, sometimes he'd sang the song- outrageously, as simon said it, that the viewers could either love it or hate, but hell yes- he took risks and by taking those risks- HE PUT HIMSELF ON ANOTHER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LEVEL than everyone else on the show, before and after him...many idol contestant had had their one moment of unforgettable performance in the show- but adam- he had not one, not two- but -i guess, all of his performances were in a league of their own.
it was as if he was only competing with himself..no offense to kris allen, he is a great singer but like all idol stars, he only had one or two(at most) memorable performance in the show...
whilst adam, well-all the songs he sang, I LOVED..his album- i got it, and i love it..
so after adam lambert, for me- idol seemed to have lost a bit of a taste...it soured a lil bit cos i kept comparing each performance to adam's performance..and i kept getting disappointed..
feelin good, tracks of my tears, mad world, crying, one and the list could go on and on and on...every one of the song he performed during AI- i could never get over..
so..yes..
adam ruined american idol..at least he ruined it- for me..hopefully next season i'll see another one who could live up to the high standard which had been set by this guy- whom we all know now as the GUYLINER..

i watched the series on and off again over the years...it is quirky, entertaining and funny...it has a touch of genius in the plot and story line...i guess, that's why it had won so many emmy..

but yesterday- it really touched me deeply..it was the part when preston(one of lynettes's twin sons)came back from russia with a russian fiancee..lynette had investigated the fiancee and found out that she had duped two husbands before..this led to preston cancelling the marriage but he seemed to blame lynette for it.

lynette went into the room where preston was sitting alone and basically told him that she'd rather her son hate her then see him regrets and despairs over the decision he could have made. and before she closed the door behind her, she told her son that she'll always be there for him and that he could take as long as he wanted to forgive her but 'just don't take too long..because i missed you already..'

and the mom in me broke down....i was crying like mad...i really felt lynette's words right up to my bones..she is just a character, it is just a show but god-the show really is good!!!!not only that it has the flair of a great entertainment but it also has soul....

'kak, c nanak jatuh dari kereta kereta dia..'
upon reading the sms from my cousin, who's looking after my kids at home, i almost fainted..i rushed outside of the class calling home with pale, cold, trembling hands..

'is she alright..? how did she fell..? is she hurt..?'
even as my cousin assured me that my baby seemed to be alright, that her bruises aren't that bad..i was still very much afraid and could not calm my fear..

the 15 minutes that passed before the class ended were the longest i've ever felt..i couldn't look at my pupils..it was so hard not to break down then and there, and it took me all my strength not to..i couldn't, mustn't cry- not in front of my pupils..

we were supposed to be rehearsing for the Teacher's day celebration ( our school once again took the responsibility to present a choir) that afternoon, but i simply didn't have the heart to sing..all i wanted to do was go home and hug my baby..

i went to the office to tell my boss (our school headmistress) that i'm going home and couldn't rehearse with them, she wasn't there and as it turned out she had already went to the staff room for the rehearsal, thankfully the senior assistant was there- and as i spoke, my tears broke..

i wasn't aware of how much energy i'd been using trying to be calm for the past 15 minutes- not until i spoke about the incident, - i just didn't have the strength to stop my tears then..even speaking was almost impossible..the senior assistant went to my side and calmed me, asking if i have a ride home, and i nodded, my husband had arrived to pick me up (usually i would walk home, because it's only 10 minutes walk)..upon telling her, i rushed to the car.......i was crying right up until i came into the house..

when i saw my baby, and took her into my arms- only then did some of the fear eased off..

'she's alright...only a few bumps and bruises..'my husband said.

but for me- even those 'little' bumps and bruises were very very big deals..even a mosquito bite on my babies aren't allowed, let alone bruises and bumps...unacceptable...if i could take the bruises and bumps away- i would..it pained me to see them on anyone of my babies..

and i wasn't really calm- not until the bumps and bruises started to fade, today..i still can't breath easy though..not until all the bumps and bruises are really gone....and even after the bumps and bruises are long gone- i would still feel the pain- my experiences with two of my older children taught me this...long after my children lost the bumps and bruises- i would still feel the pain every time i think about when they fell or hurt themselves..they might have forgotten about those incidents, they might not remember- but i would..i would remember all the times that they cried- when they fell down the stairs, when they slipped into the drain, when they tripped over the furniture, when ran and bumped into each other- or when they fell off their baby walker..i would recall those times and the pain would still be the same..

no- not all scars could be healed by time..not when you're a mother...when our children got hurt, we'd feel twice the pain, and the scars will be with us, all our lives...

nonetheless- i would not trade my children for anything..would not trade my place with anything..would not want to live my life any other way..

i would give up my own life for my children..i love them -unconditionally, with all my heart..

i only hope that my children could tone it down a bit(sigh)- so that i wouldn't be carrying too many scars in my heart..but- as long as they're alright..as long as they're okay...that's all that matters....